《Friends》第一季 1《Friends》剧本（第一季） 101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.] Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? (They all stare, bemused.) Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex. Chandler: Sounds like a date to me. [Time Lapse] Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. Joey: Instead of...? Chandler: That's right. Joey: Never had that dream. Phoebe: No. Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?! Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! [Time Lapse, Ross has entered.] Ross: (mortified) Hi. Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. Monica: Are you okay, sweetie? Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... Chandler: Cookie? Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh. Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee. Ross: Thanks. 《Friends》第一季 2Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.) Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? Phoebe: Fine! Be murky! Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. Monica: No you don't. Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me! Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian... Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know? Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud? Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well. Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number? Ross: Sorry. Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? (Ross gestures his consent.) Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have ...
